What does it mean to choose you, and what does putting you first look like?
Frankly, I can admit that I’ve struggled with the weight of those questions. Between therapy and talks with my close friend and my sister, I’ve had to sit with myself this week. I spent time, between naps and writing, accepting some truths and mapping out intentional ways to abandon mentalities of old.
And this is what lead me to this place. My routine has been off for months, so after work on Monday, I exercised. Afterwards, I felt amazing! Then, as the evening drew nearer, I started to feel less and less like myself. I was so elated not to be missing a Monday and getting back into rhythm, and then I felt stripped, just that quickly, of my reset. Normally, when I start to feel a way in my body, I’ve conditioned myself to push through because “people need you” and “you’re not feeling that bad” or “you can give it a little more time to see how bad you actually feel.” Well, I’ll say, after all the inward dialogue exchange, I knew I pushed it beyond personal limits. I knew that I couldn’t work on Tuesday. As much as I wanted to, I physically could not. I still set my alarm, rose early, and had to humble myself into informing my work team that I wouldn’t be in. Despite what my body said, I allowed my lips to speak that I would return the next day, yet here we are on Friday, and I haven’t been at work this week...
This week, damaging self talk had to be confronted and silenced. I had to learn that I, too, must rest, I learned that I, too, must be stripped of the “rescuers mentality.” I’ve created a notion in my mind that I’m letting others down when I don’t show up for them. Like I’m somehow abandoning them, but it’s really abandoning myself. I’ve reflected on what it means to truly rest, and I’ve concluded that rest is not something that I have to earn as a prized incentive; it’s something that we all need in order to promote and nurture or mental capacity.
Sometimes, the push is necessary, but the push should never be louder than what God is saying through moments of intentional rest. I keep saying that I want to be aligned and allow God’s will for my life to reign, yet when He calls me to something as simply as rest, I fight it. Ponder that…
Beloveds, saying yes to you may look like taking time off work or not attending the meeting. Yes could be choosing to rise an hour before the busyness of day to spend time in prayer or meditation. It may be turning down a coffee date or changing evening plans with a friend. Maybe it’s leaving the dishes in the sink overnight or ordering DoorDash because cooking is just one other thing you can’t push through. Yes could be declining the invitation to attend a family function because it’s triggering, and your safe space is not there. It could be locking in with the sitter to take hours to aimlessly stroll through Target’s candles section to find the fragrance that best suits your mood. What if it’s taking the solo trip or inviting your spouse out to begin the repair necessary for the next right step in marriage. Whatever, it is, reward yourself with the gift of yes to you.
And learn to rest your body, mind, and spirit. If there’s any lesson to learn here, it’s that health is wealth, and a healthy you goes a lot further than a you that’s ragged and worn.
Say yes to you, always.
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