Triggers.
Triggers.
Trauma triggers. Slight triggers. Unidentified triggers and triggers that have been suppressed. Triggers that silently, subtly rear their heads, and triggers that arrive ringing the alarm. Triggers at home and triggers at work.
Mommy triggers.
Daddy triggers.
Childhood triggers.
Triggers fighting to strip me from resting in joy and experiencing the comfort of God's arms due to fear of something being "too good to be true." Triggers resulting from great loss and even those triggers that are yet to be named.
I've been triggered right out of my comfort zone, but my assignment hasn't changed. For months, I have continued to grow and experience God in ways that I haven't until this moment in time. Over six years ago, I was given a word that I've held close to my heart. God was going to propel me in a season. In being propelled, the expectation, in my mind, was that I would move through a season of life swiftly, but I missed the part where wrestling would be involved. Where failing would be involved. Where sacrificing would be involved. Where self-reflection would be involved, and pruning would be heightened. A season where some would go and others would be positioned to push me to the next level as they, too, were being prepared for their new season. Where my skills would be sharpened. Where my patience would be tested and my name mudded.
Triggered.
I have prayed and I have cried. I have cried and I have prayed. God spoke to me very profoundly, and during this season, my only instructions were to remain silent and focus forward. To silence the voices in my head and in my ear telling me to react in a way that didn't align with how God spoke to me when I sat with Him.
Triggered.
Can you begin to fathom gnats swarming your face, and the only way to ease the level of annoyance you feel is to do so? No gnat is touching you. No gnat can land on you. God assures you that He has you covered, so you should stand still and have no reaction that alters your position and prematurely shifts you from where you're called now. The Holy Spirit will have you not saying anything when you have everything to say! I've learned during this season that it's not that I couldn't respond, it's that I shouldn't. There is a difference between the ability to do a thing and acting on it. The situation may be uncomfortable and triggering, but how obedient I am in my response is directly tied to how I will handle being propelled into my next.
Silencing the noise is directly colliding with silencing the triggers.
God has called me to use every ounce of my gift in the earth. Why would I think that my words wouldn't be under attack? Why would I think that I would not have to fight through seasons of darkness battling principalities to decipher between what words to release into the earth and those to keep sacred?
This season has taught lessons on being silent through triggering seasons. As I reflect on the first half of the year, it's been topsy with a whole of turvy, but God has never left my side, nor have I lacked clarity. He's kept my mind and given me a fresh perspective, and through it all, there has been beautiful silence where my words have been protected and preserved for His use.
Empty me… fill me with You…
Triggers are all around. One truth that continues to fill my empty spaces and seasons of silence is that God has not intended any trigger to rob me of nor kill any desire He's given me. And let that be your truth, too.
"I will never have this version of me again. Let me slow down and be with her."
-Unknown
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