Separation and Isolation

As a kid, I felt the burden of being isolated and separated. There was much transition and change in my younger years. So much to figure out as a kid experiencing many of the woes and ills of life, often left to adults to manage. I felt more than isolated—more than separated. I felt alone. Abandoned. Stuck and unable to identify and articulate my emotions or my needs.

My heart grew thorny and began to harden. As I matured in nature and gained internal strength, the world would label me aggressive. Angry and uneasy. Distant. So much so that my exterior remained stoic while, inside, I was tightly clammed and reluctant to feel anything because of sheer fear. I desired to tuck away as much of the pain I felt so that I wouldn’t be questioned or approached or even ridiculed. I tried my best to hide behind the smile, and it lasted for a while until the first season of stripping arrived. Way back when. I can remember my high school years so vividly. As it’s often stated, “It was the best of times and the worst of times.” Thorns on and in full protection mode, I almost ruined relationships meant to save me. To teach me as I unlearned things that didn’t allow me to exist in harmony. To restore me to a place beyond emergency. It was in this place at this time that I began to see the beauty and precious miracles that emerge from isolation.

Just as seasons change and bring about the transition of time and space, I have evolved to a place of knowing and accepting that life mirrors a similar pattern. The passing of time has no choice but to strip and prune to make new, and in this space, thorns turn to rose bushes and the work done in isolation is on full display. As life grants me access from glory to glory, and with God as my guide, I have learned to value the seasons of authentic engagement and connection as much as I do isolation and separation, for in isolation, the noise around me settles and the focus becomes laser sharp. In separation, God can love me beyond any earthly desire left unfulfilled.

Season after season of isolation and separation, the thorns of my heart have dissolved as God has made me new, and after each season of isolation and separation, I return a more healed version than when I entered.

As a child, I did not understand life and the way it develops us through every experience and every circumstance. Today, I understand that God wasted nothing. Just as a pearl undergoes periods of seclusion, so must I. On the other side of the process is the emergence of pure uniqueness and something so very rare. That pearl is me.   

The Bible teaches us that as children, we are child-like: “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish ways” 1 Corinthians 13:11.

As I have journeyed from when to win, the child of the past collides with the woman I am today, and every season of isolation and separation has served me well.

God prunes.

I press.

His purpose is manifested.

...And now, my oil is far too valuable to waste, and much of it is made in isolation and separation.