Prep and Process

I have heard all of my adult life that the only thing constant is change, and I think that I’m finally seizing the key to the reality this statement holds. There is nothing in life that will persistently yield the same result. Even with discipline and consistency, results tend to vary. Variation doesn’t mean that a thing can’t or won’t turn out well, however, it does mean that slight changes can be expected. I can take the same route to work each day, yet everyone that I am sharing the road with won’t be the same. Hitting the gym every Monday, Wednesday and Friday might be a strong regimen, and still, my body won’t respond the same from day-to-day; week-to-week.

Having kids of my own has allowed me to delve deeper and understand this concept. I love a routine. Love it! Since Grayson and Addison were infants, I have prided myself on solid structure and routine. It was a must having two babies under two and moving away from family. Now that they are in pre-k and kindergarten, much of the routine and expectation hasn’t changed, but they respond differently. They have big personalities fleshing out life in little bodies. Daily routine for us may go a little bit like this: After school, there’s a snack and then homework. The snack may change, or some days, they may decline. But the option for the snack doesn’t leave the table. Some days, the desire to complete homework is tremendous and highly anticipated, and some days, the desire is lackluster and very much like pulling teeth. Yet and still, there’s work to be done and the end result achieved. And I have resolved that letting some of my control relax slightly produces the best version of me to work through presenting situations.

On the brink of my personal new year, self-reflection and resolve has brought me here; structure should not pigeonhole us. Flexibility is a must, even in a world that seems to lack the need for change and malleability. I am leaning into being more flexible and have released most of the anxiety I once cultivated around having things done in the same manner all the time. I was doing a lot of self-sabotaging by not accepting the consistency of change. Yep, read that again. There was little “out with the old, and in with the new.” It was more, “cling tightly to the old, and never evolve to the new.”

And if anything, I was halting my own growth, peace and tranquility.

For the past 6 years, I have been able to focus every area of my life’s goals around one word. For the year 2022, the word was discipline. Ironically, during the final phase of the year, I have meditated on the word so much so that I’ve already received confirmation that I’ll be sitting with the word in 2023. It’s very much giving encore vibes.

With much clearer vision now versus the top of the year, discipline and change are a wedded pair. The more disciplined one becomes in areas of life, the more that change is inevitable. I have been able to digest that change is good. There is nothing wrong with structure, yet we should always leave space for something old to flee, something new to enter, something borrowed to be returned, and something blue to be shifted. It doesn’t make us crazy or any less effective to invite change in. It does, however, allow us to relax the controls and begin to coast, void of high and pressing demands we place on ourselves.

God has allowed me to turn inwardly and align my thoughts, desires and needs with those that He has for me. What I have found most compelling is that the more I relinquish the need to cling tightly to so much structure and routine, the more He tends to grow me and truly heal places I’ve kept hidden. As I have allowed myself to release, the inpouring has been soul-quenchingly refreshing.

Aligning with the elements of change does not take away structure and make us void of routine. It does, though, allow us to operate in spaces that don’t stagnate our growth.

I have been intentional over the last several weeks to sit with the story of my life and reshape my thinking. For so long, I have held on to a routine that was only meant to last a while. I have prided myself on being stifled and void of true change because of the way a thing has always been viewed. Or done. Or how it’s been spoken. And through self-discovery and hard reflections, nothing in life is intended to stay the same. Nothing.

As the year of 36 slowly slips away from my fingertips, I welcome year 37. I have learned so much about myself just the year alone. I have gone back to the broken, “little girl” version of myself, and I am healing from the point forward. I seek God. I press into therapy. I have to manage stress levels to keep anxiety and depression from taking over again. I work hard to be a great wife and mom. And along with this all, I am processing that change is good. It’s what’s keeping me and it’s what’s maintained me for so many years.

I have been prepped, and I am processing every good and perfect gift that comes from a simplistic yes and the vulnerability to never remain the same. That's the ultimate form of discipline for me.

Out with the old. Welcome 37…