"Act Normal"

I was tagged on social media in a post recently that really resonated with me. What’s normal? What are the experiences in our lives and the lives of those around us that we hyper-focused on that define normalcy?

How do we glean from the past allowing it to shape our future as we hold on to what society deems normal for us?

Who is the creator of the idea of living a “normal” life? Having normal experiences?

What does it all really mean?

For me, there were many instances of a “normal” life that I experienced growing up. Playing outside under street lights. Being raised by my grandparents alongside my oldest sister. Loving school and never wanting to miss a day. Attending church every Sunday with the al la carte of Vacation Bible School during the summer months. Just being a kid with a care-free space to grow and mature.

And as I grew, the idea of “normal” was even more influenced by people and things around me. Normal started to feel heavy. More comparative. Less amicable. Normal shifted to needed. There was a laundry list of things that I felt I needed to do because that’s what society deemed normal. Completing high school, enrolling in college and, upon completion, landing my dream job. I needed the perfect body and flawless features. I also needed the fairy-tale love story followed by growing a family with the love of my life. Next up was taking on new roles like that of being a mother. A legacy-producing mother who would be established, well-versed and posied. And my friends; life-long friends. Having the same friends from childhood through adulthood. Those friendships that never experienced a bump or a bruise.

To be normal, I needed to be a woman of substance. One that was strong to the outside world and never showed weaknesses of any kind. And one who never missed dancing to the beat of the drum. This was the way of acting “normal” that I began to accept. Before long, and almost to my detriment, normalcy became overshadowed by the false perception of the need to be perfect. The perfect, normal life.

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I’m so very thankful for light shown on our paths that shape us but a Savior who ultimately makes us in His image. Now that I’m operating in the healthy space of “normal” I can see that there were so many unresolved areas of my life that I viewed as normal that needed to be exposed and healed. So many areas that had me burdened by unnecessary weight that I should have never carried.

If only I knew then what I know now. When told to act normal, oh, I would have.

I would speak on it being normal to complete college in 5 years and not 4. Or marry my high school sweetheart and still see a therapist 8 years post the “I-Dos.” Or how I could identify with unhealthy friendships and relationships and remaining connected out of misguidance and misjudgment, but finding a way to sever ties. It’s even normal to have kids and need a break every once in a while. To have to operate from grace to nurture my seeds. To take time for myself and care for myself before caring for others. To explore different career paths outside of what feels safe. Experiencing fear so that it pushes me to be better and do better. To say when asked if I'm okay that I'm not. This, Beloveds, is normal.

So, to aid in acting normal, I will speak boldly of the work that it takes to act normal. How it takes dedication and accountability to create and maintain solidified family units where transparency is not frowned upon. I’ll share my bouts with struggles so, generationally, certain aspects will be stopped in their tracks. This, Beloveds, is normal.

Being okay in your skin. Existing as the best version of yourself and growing as you prune. Releasing society’s expectation to have a hard exterior when inside you are broken. Living a life where the only true normalcy you’re tied to is by God’s design. This. Is. Normal.

Praying, hoping, trusting.

This, Beloveds, is normal. So,

fall apart to fall together, and act normal.